Last night I felt miserable...I felt the need for a good friend and teacher - and realised that COLLETTE had been the only one in my childhood...I then remembered that I had met her as a young teenager...she was still full of life - very cheerful, 'strong' in herself and then I didn't feel bad anymore...she had had a good life...it was a terrible shame that my parents hadn't taken me to her funeral (although they had thought about it beforehand)...and I should find out where she was buried...because one day, I would like to visit...to pay my respects...even though I know that her soul will be 'watching through the veil' and that everything has been sorted out now...past, present and future...

I also remembered the 'second love' of my life outside of immediate family and that was of course, MARTIN GILL...and how wary of him I had been and for all of my life...how like ROZ, I could never quite 'give it up'...and then DAVID BOWIE's song 'loving the alien' came to mind...he had told me that 'alien' meant 'men' in general...

I remembered how during my first days at GREEN TOWER...I had learnt that GILL was married...and not only that but with children...and that could have broken my heart but I tried not to let it...after crying a bit...I told him that he had trampled upon my dreams but that I had such low expectations in life that it wasn't so great a shock...I didn't belong to fairytales...my life had been no fairytale and i was no 'princess' waiting for a prince...my life was like some terrible reality show...and later on, I was to find out that I was down on his computer in a categorisation which was 'golem sex slave' - opposed to 'princess' - so yes, I was more accurate in my description of my life than I had formerly realised...

I then thought about why MARTINE had wanted the 'one chair - mind link' - she had wanted to escape from GREEN TOWER and to 'fly' again...as she had once done as a child...to OBE and fly...over the rooftops...to remote-view...GILL had been earthbound in some way...and GILL had then realised that the 'escape route' lay in my 'kiss'...that alchemical reaction...

In brief, that photobooth shot of GILL and myself in various poses...I had looked DOWN and to the LEFT as an escape route...whilst he kept on looking at TODDY's camera so to speak - I ignored it...I then looked at him...to get him to recognise me...he then kissed me as we fell out of the booth to the far LEFT...the escape route - and that just about sums it up...he was waiting for me to come and rescue him from GREEN TOWER...that is how it turned out. RAPUNZEL in his tower.

I am quite sure that the above was an ill cult CHEMICAL experiment of sorts in relation to 'the sun in your head'...it was as if GILL and I were two atoms with a magnetic attraction...whilst these other 'satellites' around us, tried to force us apart...but eventually we became ONE and shot up into that blue sky...looking down upon NY...and MARTINE had realised that the 'escape route' was via getting a grip on SMOKE MONSTER aka 'HENRY'. GILL as a 'mind' could escape if he became 'one' with HENRY...'one cosmos'...