that forced marriage in walton on the naze, 1980....i can remember now...rimington telling the young women who were organising the buffet..."don't let her near any sharp objects"...kathleen was then to hold up an ordinary knife and ask rimington if the butter knives upon the table would be a problem...along the lines of "she won't try to harm herself with one of those, will she?" - rimington told her to be careful, just in case...."normally it's the men - but in her case...." - so rimington had been used to that sort of psychological reaction, in relation to young people being forced through 'church marriages'?

next up...i can remember getting up from the altar and then kneeling in the front righthand pew of that church...rimington then marched in, from the hall - with a few of those, on that BI course....to take down a crucified christ-on-the-cross icon, from behind the altar....she was to give it to one of the young men, whilst telling him to hide it...."because it might tip him over the edge"...presumably, she was talking about tomlinson...who was 'in the same boat'...

anyway, after the wedding...and after that BI course had finished most of the buffet for lunch...and then retired 'across the road' - to the building in which we were all staying....well, tomlinson and i, were left behind in that buffet hall....he had a large bottle of spirits and he was about 3/4 of the way down it - drinking it 'from the bottle'...i asked if i could have a sip...he told me that i couldn't because of the drug that i had been given...well, i knew that i had been drugged but i had no idea what type of drug it had been - and he wasn't about to tell me...tomlinson then relented and i took a couple of glugs from the bottle.....some young men upon that BI course then walked in...they were to 'half-carry' tomlinson back to our 'digs' across the road...and put him to bed....

...and so 'go figure' in relation to just how traumatic the above can be...to a young psyche....

later on...i was in touch with martin gill...on his radio set...he was to tell me something along the lines of "it was all one big joke...don't take it seriously...it wasn't for real" etc etc...

...but that one incident was to really 'mess up my head' and for so long...see previous notes upon my making that 'wedding cake' video at dartington...some ten years, later on....at around 26 years old.

OTHER NOTES:

trying to understand your own psyche...

in relation to marriage...christian weddings...any sort of marriage/wedding, really...the commitment and the vow to God....to behave in a good and Godly way....

'state marriages' never really 'cut it' for me, as a teenager...they were all about 'money' weren't they? ensuring that you had some 'at the end of the day'...if the partner that you were living with, died...you would then get 'half' of whatever it was - that you had both shared....therefore 'state marriages' were those of 'necessity' in relation to money and not necessarily about 'love'...probably more about 'looking after children' and making sure that the children would have 'money in trust' for their education - setting up their career/job/ work path in life etc etc....all middle-class assumptions of course....but i was thinking about 'those things' even at that age....and why? because i had a huge anxiety around 'the whole lot'...because of what had happened to me at 16 years old...on that MI5 russian language course...that 'forced marriage' see above.

of course, with gay men...the first 'step on the rung ladder' is to get 'state marriages' through...i am quite sure that most of them do not wittingly or consciously, want to 'undermine the entire social fabric of THE FAMILY in western society' - as quite a few authors upon henry makow's site have noted....along the lines of 'that is a consequence of what they are pushing for, right now'.....why am i so sure?

it is because most gay men that i have met...absolutely loved their mothers....and quite a few were to admit "a bit too much"....i.e. their mother exerted a massive influence over their lives....and their fathers were 'not quite it'...eg. absent...abusive....distant...violent....no real 'love' - more a 'you have to earn my respect and you'll never get it' approach from the father figure in question....

...."a bit like farrell's mother was to col the sol" replies MI5 ONLINE...having noted a pattern...so you think that both parents..."have the ability to really screw you up but in different ways and with different consequences"....

"emotional blackmail"

interesting...because martin gill's father was extremely abusive...to the point where harris was to tell him that if he hit his son 'that hard' again...he might give him brain damage...to then be told that this was the 'jooish orthodox way'...the inference being 'do not interfere with what we do'....

however, and ironically - i might add, given the above 'extreme abuse'....in relation to a flying punch to the head - which used to send the young martin, flying across the room - or whipping with a leather belt (gill used to be beaten up until he went unconscious and/or 'completely disassociative' - by his father)...martin's stepfather had really loved his adopted son....and as martin grew up...the bond between father and son became closer and closer...two 'dr spocks' in a way...fascinated by radio/computer technology...capable of 'great love' for each other and their nuclear family....the 'ties that bind' - but how can i put it?.....a restrained 'love' and to the nth degree...."unable to talk about any of it" replies MI5 ONLINE....well yes, the CID had noted that about the jooish orthodox, living in london...police procedure in 'that area' and even in 'murder cases' within the jooish orthodox - had been something around 'don't bother to investigate' too much....and 'leave it at that' where you can - for so many decades....and until the millenium...have things changed, at all - recently?

"they don't like being told not to abuse their children and we don't get anywhere telling them not to do so"

so, it's just a 'leave it at that' attitude....

is that the same 'attitude' employed in dealing with norwegian cuckoos - such as prince charles?

"we deal with 'acid in the face' cases, in the main..."

oh i see...the muslim quarter....you are allowed to 'deal with that one' by the islamic communities, i suppose? .....because they 'let you in' to do so?

what am i suggesting here? i am not sure but i am trying to open up a general inquiry....as to what 'being a british citizen' really means...in relation to many things...not just 'the law'....and the 'culture'....but 'morality' as well....morality as in what is 'good' and what is 'bad'....most people know the difference...

however....autistics do tend not have a 'well-developed sense' of what is seen by 'normal children/adults' as 'good or bad'...and the ill are pushing them 'up the tree' into very powerful positions and relentlessly as far as i can see...

....and what about those like prince charles (another norwegian cuckoo and autistic vegetable - 'run by chip')....who is currently 'running quite a bit' in this country - from his 'above the law' position-in-the-field....and so one has to ask the question:

who is in control of prince charles, now? seeing as marr was 'found out' at that desk - see previous notes....

my intercom system has just gone off....the time is 11.56am...i am not expecting anybody and so naturally i will not answer it....

oh it's the police again...two policemen...looking through the letterbox of rick's FLAT 4....

so they were the ones who had rung my intercom? they should know by now that i do not answer it - if i am not expecting a 'caller'.....and so if it was them...why did they do it, gill?

to alert me or you...to the fact, that there is a problem with flat 4, again...whatever it might be?

well, i cannot do anything about it - can i?

as far as i can see...donna, rik and shirley were all part of the same BI team - but shirley appears to trust rik....and not donna....for my own part - i wasn't part of that team - but i would tend to trust donna....you see how it goes? as far as i can remember - rik had been used by the ill to smuggle a lot of drugs in his 'younger days' let us  say...and that is what i keep on returning to, again and again...at bottom level it always seems to be about 'money and drugs' doesn't it?


and yes, I can remember what this LOLCATS poster as all about now...it was about mike weale and a man who was to jokingly call himself 'wollemi'...smoking a bong...class A drugs...whilst watching sport on tv....weale was 'out of the closet' by that point in time...and ingabot was in charge of that 'electrified bench/settee'....see previous notes....