i was to watch 'he loves me he loves me not'....to realise that 'in an alternate universe' let us say...it was all about lisa...remember how she had reacted to her mother's death...which one could say was something like 'misadventure' (although i have no legal training and so i have no idea what it might actually fall under)...rather like so many deaths...see previous notes upon the prague rothschild's father in the vineyards....caroline hughes' father in the driving seat....brian epstein after falling into a swimming pool etc etc...and in all of those cases...one could say that caroline hughes' attitude to it all....was perhaps the healthiest emotional response to such emotional trauma, early on in life.......that it was not really her fault and that therefore she didn't blame herself - although she still found herself weeping...every time she dared to go back to that memory...to relive it...the pain never quite subsided and perhaps that is what keeps us fully human...the ability to love...to remember the strength of that love...i can remember the prague rothschild - through tears - telling me how much he had loved his father, worshipped him but just how abusive that man had been, as well....go figure.

oh and then there's my father...who had been made to believe that he had murdered his own father in a skiing accident...although, he had done no such thing...to then go to neuveville station and record the station bell...in remembrance of the last time that he had seen his father, upon a station platform...but that is a different kettle of fish, altogether - seeing as his father was to go 'on the run' and live in a NY hotel, for many years afterwards...after that last 'fateful meeting' upon a station platform...see previous notes upon 'all of that'....hmmm...and maybe that's why, i'm here now....because captain gyde aka MI5 scott mackay....had been one 'crazy focker' hadn't he?....the glaswegian son of drapers....who was then to become a rather english gentleman, after joining MI5....the former heinemanns director....who had financed that fake SOE UFO...the one that had fooled the rockerfellers...into joining WWII....go figure.

anyway, i was to note the child-like visage of audrey tautou and compare her looks to lisa-as-a-very-young-child....because lisa was to look quite different, as an adult...more of a 'BBC susannah' look, in her thirties....audrey in a flower shop...go figure.

....see previous notes upon lisa-in-a-flower-shop, in prague...before that terrible accident upon the street....the screeching brakes of the tram...we ran outside...and i can still remember watching the accident as if it were in slow-motion...the old lady's body doing a somersault in the air...the tram had performed an emergency stop, 'just in case'...it was a car that had actually hit the old lady...and lisa was to run back into that flower shop...luckily the assistant spoke quite a bit of english...and lisa was to manage to get her to call emergency services...because we both knew, that nobody in the crowd - that was to accumulate around that body-on-the-street...would do so...see previous notes upon that still prevailing fear...born of a certain communist 'kafka' situation...where no czechoslovakian citizen had wanted to contact the authorities at all and for any reason...even, in relation to a street accidents...for fear of persecution.

oh and there's something else that fits in with the whole clump....i can remember waiting to cross a road, with lisa - and yes, we were in prague, again...anyway, there was an island in the middle of the road...none of the cars would 'give way' as they normally do in the UK...it felt like we had been waiting for hours...and so i decided to play 'lollipop lady' as i had once seen my mother do, upon holiday...i simply walked a short distance, into the road and held up my hand - towards the oncoming car - with a very severe look of 'intent' upon my face....the oncoming car was not moving fast...and it was then to stop....i called to lisa, to follow me...she refused...she was beside herself with fury...and i suppose that you can guess why, dear reader....see previous notes upon 'all of that'.