....and what's new this friday evening, dazzlenation?..."bad parenting" replies BI online....well, yes - something along those lines....digging up your parental influences upon your character....particularly if your parents have separated and....er.....how does one put this.....rather like nigel's mum and dad....whereupon, nigel was to develop his stage role 'lady mary pozah'....appeared to be a mishmash of his 'mommie dearest' alter...a screaming queen negative number....remember that shark attack off of a bali beach, regarding the canoe in which etc etc....and myself, as being a bit like his 'mom' i.e. peppering my speech with french phrases (to remind myself of who i really was - my first languages, i suppose - as a young teenager) whilst i also had my own version of 'mommie dearest' who hated me - as in 'sylvia'....and then there's losey, who had been told by the prague rothschild (nigel's dad) that they as in 'myself' - tended to die at the next stage of un-peeling the onion, let us say....in short, i managed to slur out a few heather kempson insults...ending up on ' what can i say to make you go away?...dago...wop....chink...slat...slit...slitty...no, that's not right....slope - that's it' - to then tell him about the nordic computer - whalley's birthday party at the west midlands tennis, squash and cricket club...losey then raced off to investigate etc etc......oh and beforehand - at portishead house...stenson had worked out why i had been so helpful in relation to his affair with whalley and from the beginning...she had been my one true friend - who had kept me alive....everybody has an oar to dip into the water, in a given situation - self-interest etc etc...and nigel had shown me, in that canoe....his 'affect'....nota bene - gill was then to tell me that all of nigel's girlfriends died off pretty quickly etc etc....and so despite having been a young man/boyfriend that was more than i could have hoped for......whilst on that bus-trip-to-greece number....i had come to the realisation that i had to rely upon those who were far more trustworthy, let us say....and stenson was to realise that his ex-wife had created a terrible situation - not unlike the prague rothschild and 'mommie dearest'.....nigel used to talk about 'mummy' as an absolute angel...upon a pedestal...whom he worshipped before...whilst his father was that absolute bastard etc etc...what he didn't say...was that his mother hated not only his father but also himself for looking, walking, talking just like her hated ex-husband....do you see how it goes?....anyway, i then decided to take a look at 'olton hollow' again....nigel used to live down the road, near in acocks green......to find a reminder of not only that bus-trip-to-greece...fried fish on the beach....ouzo....the good times...."colour and laughter"....yes, a bit like the tavernas etc etc....with a sidelong glance at rodway as 'pimp' of her gay prostitution gang....all of whom had conspired to trick her into parting with her ill-gotten gains...by convincing her that they could make more money upon mykonos....lol....didn't make a penny...just partied for two weeks etc etc...or as kate golby had put it..."communed with the fishes"....and what else?...well, i don't remember that simpsons episode - dazzlenation....but it looks like homer is filling in a 'universal credit' type of form....lol....'bad parenting', eh?...along with how the prague rothschild used to like to live...in working class areas (despite having a castle or two, one in the czech republic)...as the 'pen-man' intellectual of the street....which is pretty much what nigel then did...whilst taking a new set of A' levels at solihull 6th form dressed as an outrageous 'working class' punk....the hairstyles etc etc....oh and there's a little bit more to add....whalley could remember in detail the night that she had organised at mine....in order to meet ben..."tell helen to bring her friends"....browne had brought sev....who then did that 'saveloy sausage' masonic 'show but not tell', let us say....to then proceed to dance with nigel, in the centre of the circle in my bedroom to lynard skynard's 'freebird'....what they were to call 'lesbian dancing'....even browne was to look at bit worried, at that point...where had her boyfriend learned to do 'that' etc etc?...nigel and sev then sat down, exhausted...having reached their crescendo, together - with interlocking thighs, pogoing..in punk/biker gear...in front of 'polite society' i.e. whalley and trig, deb and mr sharp (great grandson of granville) etc etc...after laughing it off...they were then to question whalley 'n' deb...along the lines of you're so nice and protected (implying helplessness)....innocence itself...and then we big men come along with our big willies and we terrorise you etc etc...they were talking about a programming session that they had  been on....told to go undercover as women, in order to truly understand what it is to be a woman - in order to undermine them...nigel, however - had said to sev afterwards..."i rather liked it"....he didn't necessarily want to undermine...."just to be one" replies BI online...having previously been at a lesbian venue - dressed as women...."it all backfired".....anyway, the following is a reminder of nigel's olton hollow 'desk' and mod 'colour factors' etc etc.....go figure:

https://www.google.com/maps/place/MYKONOS+TAVERNA+SOLIHULL/@52.4422798,-1.8114614,3a,75y,90t/data=!3m8!1e2!3m6!1sAF1QipON-O7y38or6RRG4hBZ5uxsydl1Vujuuo-8xRlN!2e10!3e12!6shttps:%2F%2Flh3.googleusercontent.com%2Fp%2FAF1QipON-O7y38or6RRG4hBZ5uxsydl1Vujuuo-8xRlN%3Dw203-h270-k-no!7i3024!8i4032!4m7!3m6!1s0x4870bb4498e4926f:0x210ee37ef796d7b6!8m2!3d52.4423408!4d-1.8113048!10e5!16s%2Fg%2F11l5qyywff?entry=ttu&g_ep=EgoyMDI1MDQwMi4xIKXMDSoJLDEwMjExNDU1SAFQAw%3D%3D

https://mary2point5.tumblr.com/

and there's a bit more to add, as there invariably is - dazzlenation...whilst the others were seated in a ring watching nigel 'n' sev do their fabulous but a bit too 'close-quarters' and rather violent lesbian-loving-making-dance in the centre....i was lying upon the wyss's old double bed - wedged into a corner of my bedroom....afterwards, they were to tell the others, that they were too exhausted to do much explaining....sev then told nigel "it hasn't worked"...whatever it was, they had figured would be the desired effect/response from that crowded bedroom.....i then said to nigel..."i'm not just a fish stranded on a beach, you know!" (shades of collapsing upon that bali beach) whilst still lying on the bed....and then pointed out that browne was in fact good at terrorising most of the young men at college....oh and they'd only just met sue 'n' deb....who were actually rather 'hard-knock' in their way, despite looking so 'perfect'....contrary to appearances etc etc....lol....they were to agree.....and then i 'got' it...."le petit mort!" (funny how i'd used the masculine rather than feminine - oh i remember...oscar had told me to remember it that way)...."what's that?" sue immediately rejoined...nigel immediately got up and fished his jacket off the floor and threw it over his shoulder..."right! I'm off" and walked out of the door - without another word....the party then quickly broke up....and so whatever they had done, had worked, in a way...it was simply that they weren't going to enter into a conversation about 'petit mort' under the circumstances in which etc etc...as it goes, eh?

an attack of the vapours - in relation to the prague rothschild etc etc?....and in retrospect, i can see that i had had the best of friends that i could have hoped for...all of them trying to get it out...talk about it...in their various ways....and so 'creative' within their thinking and expression of what oppressed/threatened them...sexuality was the tip of the iceberg.....the main threat appeared to be drugging, chipping and mind control...in order to create perfect mind control 'slaves' who couldn't remember a thing etc etc...."and we had to work together" replies BI online...yes because 'divided', we fell...go figure.